Many might agree that this year has been a doozy. From rising costs of groceries, housing, and childcare to the tensions of political polarization…and the swift shift into colder temperatures and shorter days: I imagine many of us feel an amplified longing to hibernate this winter.
While the holiday season brings a jubilant atmosphere of tinsel and twinkle lights, it can also surface profound grief for loved ones no longer with us and heighten the pressure to curate a “happy” holiday by finding the perfect gift, cooking the perfect meal, or hosting the perfect gathering.
But in authentic relationships, there is no such thing as perfect. No meaningful relationship is devoid of conflict. Conflict is simply a part of life. It’s not inherently positive or negative – it’s neutral. And most of the time, conflict happens because people care.
I’m not referring to conflict that is violent or unsafe, but the kind that nudges us to the edge of our comfort zones and helps us become the highest version of ourselves: kinder, more open-hearted, more grounded, more forgiving, and more peaceful. It’s the conflict that surfaces when we serve as mirrors for each other’s truths.
This is the conflict that asks us to say the honest thing we’ve been avoiding directly to the person who needs to hear it. These truths can set us free, and they often ignite change we can’t fully predict because honesty requires interpersonal risk. And we can’t control anyone else’s behavior, words, or choices – only our own.
Interpersonal risk can feel scary. Our honesty may cause pain despite our best intentions. But when we express truth with courage, compassion, and an open heart, we stand firmly in our dignity and integrity.
This kind of risk-taking requires vulnerability. It takes courage, patience, space, forgiveness, and grace. It calls us to keep showing up in our relationships even when things feel messy – not at the expense of our own wellbeing, but with a commitment to taking radical responsibility for the relationships we choose and how we show up in them.
Interpersonal risk is rarely comfortable. But discomfort is often the point. I’ve never experienced personal growth without it. And the discomfort has been worth it – helping me to become stronger and softer, more resilient, braver, and a better (though still imperfect) listener.
Each of us holds thousands of unique lived experiences – wisdom shaped through trials, triumphs, and tribulations. Conflict can be a powerful catalyst for growth, intimacy, connection, and deep trust, but only if we choose to believe it and are brave enough to embrace these interpersonal risks.
So this holiday season, instead of striving for perfection, what if we strive for courage?
I invite us all to consider how we might honor the depth of our feelings and release ourselves from the expectation of a perfectly “happy” holiday. Happiness, like all feelings, is impermanent – like a wave breaking on the shore and returning to the sea from whence it came. It is a teacher, just as grief can be. Both hold value and lessons for us if we’re willing to explore them vulnerably and without judgment.
To support a season with less stress and more authenticity, consider one or more of the following practices:
Create recurring quiet time. Even five minutes a day can help you check in with yourself. Ask: What is true for me right now? Consider what you would say to someone you love if you released the fear of their response. Write it down. Keep it for yourself or share it with someone you trust – or someone you might trust over time.
Share your sacred truths courageously. Honor your intuition, your inner knowing that only you can know, by giving voice to what aches within you.
Minimize the pressure of gift-giving. Talk with loved ones about shifting traditions. Could everyone exchange just one gift under a certain budget? Or skip gifts altogether in favor of sharing an experience or a tasty meal? Sometimes the financial, emotional, and spiritual burden of gift-giving and receiving is immense. Often, what we remember most is quality time – not another item we may not need or use.
Move your body. It doesn’t need to be a workout – just movement. A walk up and down the stairs, a seated stretch, a trip to the kitchen for water or tea. Movement supports your brain, mood, and overall mental and emotional resilience.
If you’re feeling depressed or overwhelmed, don’t aim for happiness. It’s an unfair expectation to leap from depression to joy. Instead ask, What would make me feel 1% better? – and do that, so long as it’s safe for you and others. Maybe it’s a good cry, a comforting show, or a cozy meal.
Go gently, dear hearts. We have only this one magical life, and you have the power to spend it well. Wishing you a courageously vulnerable, authentic, and compassionate holiday season.
Written by Hallie Pond | Truespace Consulting
